Quote 1

The Broken Column. Frida Kahlo. Wikioo.

“Said one oyster to a neighboring oyster, “I have a very great pain within me. It is heavy and round and I am in distress.”

And the other oyster replied with haughty complacence, “Praise be to the heavens and to the sea, I have no pain within me. I am well and whole both within and without.”

At that moment a crab was passing by and heard the two oysters, and he said to the one who was well and whole both within and without, “Yes, you are well and whole; but the pain that your neighbour bears is a pearl of exceeding beauty.”

Kahlil Gibran, The Pearl

What effects does suffering have upon us? We would not wish for suffering, for ourselves or others, but, if it comes, can there be anything in it at all that might benefit us? Gibran seems to say there is…..

On first reading this poetic quotation, one might wonder at its message. How can pain be seen as a ‘pearl of exceeding beauty?’

A pearl is formed when an irritant, such as a particle of food, or, less frequently, a grain of sand, gets caught in the shell of an oyster. Human creativity begins, as with a pearl, when something becomes agitated or irritated, when something stirs inside us. This stirring may be exciting or disturbing to us, painful even, as we grapple with it in our minds.

Pearl Oyster – Mikhail Vrubel. 1904. Wikioo.

“A pearl is a beautiful thing that is produced by an injured life. If we had not been wounded, if we had not been injured, then we will not produce the pearl.”

Stephen Hoeller

Suffering does make us aware of our mortality, the impermanence of our existence in this world. Fantasies of immortality are soon challenged during illness and pain. There are those who, like the ‘neighbouring oyster’ in the poem, might show off to others about their health, their happiness, or their good fortune. This bragging reveals a lack of consideration and empathy for other people, an indifference towards those who may not have had such an easy ride.

Those who do try to impress others, regaling them with tales of their freedom from pain, have not yet learned that none of us is invincible and that everything, including us, passes away. People who have experienced suffering may, as a result, develop increased empathy for others, sharing their load, understanding more deeply the vicissitudes of the human condition.

Creativity can have a healing effect on us; it can also be a distraction from pain, a way of communicating and externalising our suffering, which may help others. It also can transform our pain into something wonderfully expressive. Suffering can, ultimately, lend us wisdom and awareness of deep truths about ourselves and the world. These are some of its ‘pearls.’

“Our painful experiences aren’t a liability—they’re a gift. They give us perspective and meaning, an opportunity to find our unique purpose and our strength.”

Edith Eger

Quote 2

Rheumatic Pain I . Remedios Varo. Wikioo.

“Your illness is not your identity. Your chemistry is not your character.”

 Pastor Rick Warren

It is not difficult, when we have chronic pain, to lose ourselves and our identity in a sea of suffering. It is an isolating and lonely place to be, for only we can really feel our own pain, especially when that pain is hidden. The disturbing painting above depicts something of such hidden pain, and the feelings it can produce of being cut through and unable to move, trapped in a strange world, chained, bleeding, and unable to fully see the world.

We may need help to discover that we do still have an identity, despite the pain. The struggle is to keep that identity visible to ourselves and others. It is, indeed, a battle. The feelings engendered by chronic pain are amongst others, grief, loss of who we were before the pain or illness happened,  and of some of the ways of life we had, lack of control, helplessness, feeling different from others, envy of others, uselessness, exhaustion and depression.

Coming to terms with the fact we have chronic pain means that we need to first recognise and understand that our pain may be life-changing. In time, we can work towards adapting and developing new ways of thinking and being.

Learning to identify and focus on what we can still do is an important way forward; adjusting to who we are now, to the changes that pain has brought into are lives is also crucial. For further information on managing chronic pain, follow this link.

Quote 3

Reclining Figure, Internal and External Forms –Henry Moore. Wikioo.

“Somewhere inside that hurting body, there is something better, something stronger, something real.”

R. M. Drake

This wise quotation continues the theme of Quote 2; it points to the fact that, even when we suffer, we all do have something more powerful inside us, even if we, and those around us, do not yet recognise this.

The human spirit, the urge to live, survive, and be creative in some way, is most often there still, despite the pain. The brilliant artist, Frida Kahlo, is testimony to this awe-inspiring fact. Despite terrible pain from illness and injuries, she managed to make some wonderful paintings from her wheelchair, and then on a specially designed easel whilst lying in bed. To view photographs of her in these situations, follow this link.

Her art is full of fighting spirit and defiance. Her creativity was a brilliant and courageous way of processing and managing her own personal crises.

“She transformed her suffering and made that transformation eloquent for others.”

Jay Griffiths.

Casa Azul. Frida Kahlo. Image: Juan Carlos Fonseca Mata Wikimedia Commons.

“There is no healthier drug than creativity.”

Nayyirah Waved

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.”

Brene Brown

Quote 4.

A Suffering Nude – Amedeo Modigliani. 1909. Wikioo.

“There’s no hierarchy of pain. Suffering shouldn’t be ranked, because pain is not a contest.”

Lori Gottlieb

We cannot compare pain. Pain is not competitive, there are no league tables ranking our suffering; in any case, we can never know exactly how another person feels, how bad is their suffering.

Comparing pain is a waste of time and effort; we are all different people, experiencing and feeling things differently. Thinking that we do not suffer as badly as another, or that we have worse pain, is unreasonable. Minimising our own or another person’s pain is unhelpful, lacking in empathy for ourselves, or the other person.

However, the fact we are different from others does not mean that there are not also connections between us.

It is important to be aware of these, so that we can develop empathy for others, recognising and valuing both their differences and their similarities. We all need to matter, to have our pain seen and recognised; we need to be treated, and to treat others, with compassion.

iProzac. 2009. Pain. Flickr.

“You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read. It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, who had ever been alive.”

James Baldwin

© Linda Berman.