Inside and out – Jim Warren. Wikioo.
“From the outside looking in, everything looked completely ordinary. The problem was being on the inside, looking out.”
Belle Malory.
Are appearances deceptive? In Britain especially, many people have traditionally been urged to keep a ‘stiff upper lip’ generally, and especially during adversity, and to not reveal their real feelings to the world.
Thus, many people have become accustomed to wearing invisible masks, which cover their authentic selves. Showing one’s vulnerability can be dicey and not everyone can take the risk of revealing who they really are.
Perhaps they appear aloof, snobbish, or distant and it is easy to label them as such, when, actually, they may be painfully shy and afraid of showing how they truly feel.
Self-portrait with Mask, 1928. Felix Nussbaum, Wikimedia Commons
“I have laughed, in bitterness and agony of heart, at the contrast between what I seem and what I am!”
Nathaniel Hawthorne, ‘The Scarlet Letter’
Olga Sosova – White Press [2023] Saatchi Art – Colour print on 260 gram heavy satin photo paper, 100 x 70 cm]Flickr
Whilst the woman above is certainly revealing her individuality in terms of her way of dressing, we do not know who she really is behind her dark glasses. People may look sophisticated, or may appear happy and jolly, when they might feel the opposite inside. Appearances can belie a complex inner state that can be very different from superficial impressions.
David Michael Bowers – Life Lines. Oil on panel. Gandalf’s Gallery, Flickr.
“Nobody is who you think they are at first glance. We need to see beyond the projections we cast onto each other. Each of us is so much grander, more nuanced, and more extraordinary than anybody thinks, including ourselves.”
Clemantine Wamariya
If we assess people on their outer appearance only, we will see not the other person, but our own projections, for we all look at the world through our own personal viewing lens.
Unless we are self-aware enough to know ourselves and our ways of seeing the world, our lens will be clouded by past experience, set ideas and unchallenged biases.
Portrait Of A Woman With Dark Eyes – Boris Dmitrievich Grigoriev. (1886-1939) Wikioo
“We do not see people as they are, but as they appear to us. And these appearances are usually misleading.”
Robert Greene
- A longing to be seen
It is very difficult not to feel seen, and yet, simultaneously, many of us are afraid of revealing our vulnerabilities. Deep down, however, we all desperately need to be discovered- and accepted- for who we really are.
In Hiding – Benjamin Haughton. 1889. Wikioo.
“It is a joy to be hidden, and disaster not to be found.”
Donald Woods Winnicott
What does Winnicott mean by this statement? He is saying that we all like to have our own private and secret thoughts and feelings, but, ultimately, we need to be ‘found,’ to feel safe enough to show ourselves and be known, recognised, and reflected in another person’s face and eyes.
“To live without mirrors is to live without the self.”
Margaret Atwood.
From our earliest days on earth, we have looked for and responded to mirroring. In order to develop and maintain our identity, we have a need to see ourselves reflected in others, and in the world, as we really are, ‘warts and all.’ This is the meaning of being ‘found.’
“The mirror is a worthless invention. The only way to truly see yourself is in the reflection of someone else’s eyes.”
Voltaire
- Judgement
Josef Scharl – Theatre Pause [1930] Gandalf’s Gallery. Flickr
“Judgements prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances.”
Wayne Dyer
Do we tend to make snap judgements about others based on their outward appearance/ accent/where they come from? Do we unfairly label people? Can we be honest with ourselves about all this?
“When people rely on surface appearances and false racial stereotypes, rather than in-depth knowledge of others at the level of the heart, mind and spirit, their ability to assess and understand people accurately is compromised.”
James A. Forbes
We need to ask ourselves whether we tend to jump to conclusions, make assumptions, or set ourselves above others in a self-righteous manner.
We need to wonder if we sometimes evaluate other people based on old, biased ways of thinking, or feel critical and see the negatives in a person before anything else.
By not judging, we allow ourselves to be interested in those around us, without shutting them out because their views/appearance/ethnicity/gender identity does not accord with our own way of being.
Without such judgement, we will begin to grow, intellectually, personally and emotionally, as we discover what makes others tick.
It is when we are peaceful enough with ourselves and have learnt to observe others without judgement or criticism, that we may perceive the pain that can lie beneath an outer appearance, hear the untold stories that a judgmental stance would inhibit.
- The Revelations of Art
Looking at art can serve as a powerful reminder that appearances can be deceptive; it can train our eye to look deeper, to find what is going on beneath the surface. Art can graphically express the connections between our inner and outer worlds.
By using powerful symbols, and through colour, form, texture and tone, as well as strong visual clues, art can effectively communicate deep, meaningful issues.
Edward Hopper – Hotel Room [1931] Gandalf’s Gallery, Flickr.
“The aim of art is to represent not the outward appearance of things, but their inward significance.”
Aristotle
Hopper creates an atmosphere of unease, introspection, sadness and aloneness in many of his paintings. Beyond the portrayal of a woman sitting on a bed reading, are deeper meanings, inferences and feelings. We may be uncertain what this is all about, but that is part of the discomfort that the painting produces in the viewer.
Lucian Freud was especially able to see beyond the surface and to communicate something of the inner life of the people he painted. Like his grandfather, Sigmund, he was ‘analytical,’ not in words, but expressing in paint what he detected beneath people’s outer appearance.
The Painter’s Brother, Stephen – (Lucian Freud)
“Some have described his portraits as ruthless, pitiless, clinical and cruel; others see them as intimate and honest records of humanity. He once described himself as “a sort of biologist”, interested in “the insides and undersides of things”.
Royal Academy
The Painter’s Mother Reading – Lucian Freud. 1975. Wikioo
“He wanted you to talk so he could watch how your face moved. He had these incredible eyes that sort of pierced into you, and I could tell when he was working on a specific part of my face, my left cheek or something. Because those eyes would be peering in: peering and piercing.”
Self-Portrait with Monkeys – Frida Kahlo. 1943. Wikioo
“All art is at once surface and symbol.”
Oscar Wilde
This painting is replete with symbolism: it was painted when Kahlo was ill and her art class was left with only 4 students. (Please follow this link for a fuller explanation of its possible meanings.)
A painting simultaneously portrays surface and inner depth; as with people, we can look at art in a superficial and/or a deeper way, depending on how perceptive and enlightened we are.
Self-Portrait as a Young Man – Gian Lorenzo Bernini. Wikioo.
“Every artist dips his brush into his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures.”
Henry Ward Beecher.
- Layers
If we have the ability to look below the surface, to know that appearances are often deceptive, we will discover many layers, both in art and life, beneath the outward impression.
It is easy to be taken in by superficialities, to fall for what we see, to glance at someone in a cursory way and then be deceived by first impressions.
(Image: Pickpik.com)
“You can’t judge an apple by looking at the tree
You can’t judge honey by looking at the bee
You can’t judge a sister by looking at her brother
You can’t judge a book by looking at the cover.”Extract from song written by Willie Dixon and first released by Bo Diddley in 1962
Vera Komissarzhevskaya in Pjotr Boborykin’s play Nakip. Wikimedia Commons
“…when things are very beautiful and comfortable on the surface, it can be harder to see the ugliness underneath.”
Emma Törzs
The image above is a portrayal of Vera Renczi, (1903-1960), a beautiful woman (on the surface!) who was, in fact, a Romanian serial killer. She poisoned 35 people with arsenic in the 1920’s, including two husbands and her son.
“Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.”
(Attributed) Dorothy Parker
The case above graphically illustrates the fact that appearances can be very deceptive.
Similarly, there are the people who mask their evil nature with smiles and pleasantries.
V Threepio.The Joker. Flickr.com
“One may smile and smile and be a villain.”
(Shakespeare: Hamlet, Act 1 Scene 5)
By the same rule, a person who may look shabby or unattractive on the outside may have a kind and loving heart.
Without further investigation, without interacting in some way, we cannot know how others are really feeling or what kind of person they are. Looks and image are but skin deep.
Karl Suschnik – The Outcasts. Gandalf’s Gallery, Flickr.
“Don’t get caught up in the ‘look’ thing. Sometimes, we as men and women, the first thing that attracts us to someone is their physical appearance, and that’s not always a good thing because what’s good on the outside is not always good on the inside.”
Keith Sweat
The Green Cushion by Irving Ramsey Wiles. Gandalf’s Gallery. Flickr.
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
Plato
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Thank you to my dear friend Carol Greene for suggesting this topic for a post. 🙏
© Linda Berman
waysofthinking.co.uk 