Eugenio Zampighi. (1859-1944)- Sharing Their Pleasures. Wikimedia Commons
“In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.”
Khalil Gibran
How often do we hear phrases like ‘sharing is caring,’ and ‘share and share alike’….
Yet many people appear deaf to such words, finding it difficult to share, and missing the fact that sharing can bring enormous pleasure to all involved.
- Refusal to share
Do you find sharing easy? Or have you always found it difficult… perhaps since a childhood where there was not enough to go round, or where there was no model of sharing with others?
Not sharing, keeping everything to yourself, will mean that you keep all you have, but ultimately you will miss out.
Sharing what we have with others brings us closeness, companionship, appreciation, love and gratitude. It can make us feel valued, giving us a warm glow of connection to others in a generous and loving way.
Without this, we may have all the ice cream, but we will not be sharing our enjoyment and seeing another’s pleasure. We will also not experience the feeling of connection that sharing can bring.
“For pleasure has no relish unless we share it.”
Virginia Woolf, The Common Reader
Abraham Bloemaert. Wikimedia Commons.The Miserly Old Woman.c 1625.
“There is no joy in possession without sharing.”
Erasmus
Cartoon of George C Scott as Scrooge. starring in the 1984 television film ‘A Christmas Carol’ Wikimedia Commons. Robert Doucette.
“A soul that is reluctant to share does not as a rule have much of its own. Miserliness is here a symptom of meagreness.”
Eric Hoffer
Difficulties in sharing what we have can stem from loss, deprivation and fear. Such ways of being can also emanate from a feeling of low self-worth, or a lack of confidence.
Of course, we all need to be aware of and respect our own and others’ boundaries, and our rights to protect our possessions. This is not the same as being open to sharing a little of what we have.
There needs to be a good balance between sensibly managing our own possessions and sharing with others.
Rich and Poor. 17th century Flemish painter (unknown) Wikimedia Commons
“Perhaps a sense of possessing needs to come to come before a sense of genuine sharing.”
Stephen R. Covey
Covey is referring in this quotation to the fact that we need to feel sure of ourselves before we can feel ready to share. It takes a firm sense of self in order to develop generosity and a willingness to trust other people.
It is important to trust those we share with, so that we do not become rejected or hurt. Sharing brings closeness, and closeness can mean we are taking emotional risks.
“Loving yourself and others unconditionally is a balance between protecting yourself and giving to others”
Yung Pueblo
Some of us feel it is safer not to share anything and to keep ourselves to ourselves. Everyone makes their own decisions in this area.
There are people amongst us who are more open and sharing than others. This is a personal choice and up to the individual.
- Compassion for others
My Pain Beneath Thy Sheltering Hand – c. 1928. Charles Henry Sims
“It is in the shelter of each other that the people live.”
Irish Proverb
Sharing with others involves feeling some compassion for their needs. We can all develop compassion; perhaps it starts with being more compassionate to oneself. Unless we value and care for ourselves, we cannot be caring- and sharing- with others.
Once we feel more confident in loving ourselves, we can turn this empathy outwards and focus on the connections we share with others.
The world belongs to all of us and no-one has more rights to it than anyone else. Hospitality, sharing our homes and what we have, is paramount.
“We are worth what we are willing to share with others.”
Rabbi Jonathan Sacks.
- Sharing food
“Pull up a chair. Take a taste. Come join us. Life is so endlessly delicious.”
Ruth Reichl
Making and sharing food with someone we love can be an intimate and gratifying experience. Wining and dining another person is an indication of caring and a wish to look after and satisfy them.
From our earliest days, food and nurturing are intimately connected. Eating with others can strengthen social bonds, bring comfort and enhance companionship and togetherness.
Sharing food with friends can be a catalyst in terms of strengthening social bonds; being invited to dinner by friends most often feels accepting and amicable. Welcoming another into our home to share a meal can be the epitome of friendship and love.
All sentient beings, both human and non-human, deserve and welcome kindness and the sharing of our food.
“If you knew what I know about the power of giving, you would not let a single meal pass without sharing it in some way.”
Buddha
- Sharing recipes
The Recipe – Frederick Mccubbin. 1914. Wikioo
For those who enjoy cooking, sharing recipes can be important. Why won’t some people share in this way? Why do they say these are ‘secret’ or a ‘special family recipe’ that they cannot share, or make promises to share that are not followed up?
Perhaps in this regard, we can extend the notion of family and be more inclusive of others; we could define family not only by biology, but by the other’s significance in our lives, by love and respect.
One can choose to have a family of friends and to see it as a great compliment when someone requests our recipe, instead of viewing them as unwelcome culinary competition.
Jehan Georges Vibert, The Marvellous Sauce (c 1890)Wikimedia Commons
“We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.”
Martin Luther King, Jr.
Some people take recipes to their grave… they are lost forever. Perhaps this need for a sense of ownership stems from insecurity.
“Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality.”
Dalai Lama
It is as if people fear not being special if they ‘give away’ these ‘secrets,’ that others will take away their individuality, or steal their limelight.
I never quite understand this… for surely food, and recipes, like family stories, are meant to be shared with others, creating ongoing opportunities for others to adapt and experiment with them over future years?
It is symbolic of connection and continuity to share a recipe and we may get back some special recipes too.
“I hate the notion of a secret recipe. Recipes are by nature derivative and meant to be shared – that is how they improve, are changed, how new ideas are formed. To stop a recipe in it’s tracks, to label it “secret” just seems mean.”
- The Pleasures of Sharing
Share and Share Alike – (Emile Munier). Wikioo
Small children often give their toys to people they like; they see these as an important gift, for toys are the only material things they own. As they grow, sharing may become harder, but they need to be encouraged to do so for their social and emotional development.
Giving is affirming of the self; such generosity can give a warm glow to the giver. Sharing with others is something that can give us a good feeling, a sense of being a part of something bigger than ourselves. Without this, we may feel limited, miserable and excluded.
“Nothing is yours. It is to use. It is to share. If you will not share it, you cannot use it.”
Ursula K. Le Guin, The Dispossessed: An Ambiguous Utopia
- Helping others to share feelings
Confidence – Pierre-Auguste Renoir. 1897. Wikimedia Commons
“A trouble shared is a trouble halved”
(Proverb)
“I do not ask the wounded person how he feels, I myself become the wounded person.”
Walt Whitman.
Listening with empathy, giving someone a smile or encouragement, confidence, or a glimmer of hope when things feel difficult, all these are forms of sharing of ourselves with others.
Empathy is the ability to put oneself into the world of another, in both a thinking and feeling way, as far as that is possible. It is really trying to understand how that other person sees and experiences the world.
It represents a real sharing of ourselves, our attention, concentration, time and love, with another person.
We all need to be heard, to have someone to listen to us, especially when we are feeling emotional. Being truly listened to, perhaps by a friend or therapist, is in itself highly therapeutic.
Empathy has been thought of as a natural aspect of most people’s personality, a fundamental, innate part of us that enables us to relate to and socialise with others.
“…deep understanding is, I believe, the most precious gift one can give to another.”
Carl Rogers.
Assisting another to find solutions themselves, having listened and discussed the issues and considered options, is a real gift, especially when offered in a non-judgemental and empathic atmosphere, a safe and confidential space.
“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.”
Charles Dickens
- Sharing our own feelings
The Lovers – Henri Jean Guillaume Martin.(1860-1943) Wikioo
“Love only grows by sharing. You can only have more for yourself by giving it away to others.”
Brian Tracy
Being able to share our own feelings with another, with someone who is trustworthy, empathic and attentive to our needs, shows that we have the resilience and determination to sort out our lives. The experience can be healing, as we may need others to hear our pain and help us through it.
“It needs strength to stay silent, but it needs courage to confide in somebody.”
Namrata Kumari
The rewards of risking sharing one’s own issues can be many; feeling heard, believed and validated can be a releasing and relieving experience.
“When a person realizes he has been deeply heard, his eyes moisten. I think in some real sense he is weeping for joy. It is as though he were saying, “Thank God, somebody heard me. Someone knows what it’s like to be me”.
Carl Rogers
Jerry Weiss, Friends. 2003. Wikimedia Commons
“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”
Leo Buscaglia
© Linda Berman
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