Henri Matisse – Girl in a Pink Blouse [1924] Gandalf’s Gallery. Flickr.

During this pandemic, many of the ‘props’ and structures in our lives have gone, leaving us feeling unsupported. Some important securities have been removed.

Like floating, yet unpractised acrobats, we drift, groping for some certainty, some direction for the future, without the safety nets we so desperately need.

Trapeze artists in circus, lithograph by Calvert Litho. Co., 1890. Wikimedia Commons.

Such safety nets might come in various forms, for we all have different aspects in our lives that make us feel secure and give us a sense of containment.

What does containment mean?

The concept of containment refers to an experience of feeling held and protected, both in a physical and emotional sense.

Such supportive holding is described by the psychoanalyst Winnicott, in terms of the importance of the infant’s experience with the mother.

•  The Symbols of ‘Parenting’

Many of the facilities that have previously offered us some kind of ‘parenting, ‘ or caring, professional containment are also out of reach, or difficult to gain access to.

For example, it is now not as easy to visit one’s doctor, to go to hospital without being aware of avoiding catching the virus, to go the dentist, to see a therapist face to face.

Even hairdressers can provide a listening ear and a familiar escape from daily life and they have, till recently, been unavailable.

Patient talking with doctor. NIH Clinical Centre. Flickr.

These people may represent some kind of reassuring comfort, a strong presence at times when we are in need of them.

It must also be emphasised that medics themselves have also been uncontained; they lacked prior knowledge about this dreadful new virus.

These were the people who were always there for us ‘before,’ functioning largely with solid scientific back-up. Yet they themselves were initially ‘lost’ in terms of knowledge and expertise in treating this unfamiliar virus.

They were also short of PPE protective clothing for some time, making them feel even more vulnerable and uncontained.

Yet they have soldiered on valiantly, risking their own health, saving many lives, learning as they worked and struggling through; they are there, whilst being under terrible strain.

Our extra need for containment during this pandemic may reflect a perceived lack of such support, a sense that there are no longer these unshakeable external ‘parenting’ figures for us.

This is a fantasy, for no-one is invincible, of course; but perhaps it has been one that is widely-held, a little like the child’s fantasy of the all-knowing parent.

Mary Cassatt. Mother and Child. (A Goodnight Hug.) Wikimedia Commons.

• Physical closeness.

Social distancing obviously prevents hugs, or shaking hands. It is hard to feel contained at a distance and we may miss physical contact with our friends and family.

Men who hug : painting, scott richard, san francisco (2014) Flickr.

Some men find hugging other men socially unacceptable; yet, consciously or unconsciously, they long to be held. This is a natural and human need.

Sports like football, rugby and wrestling provide ways of touching and hugging; now that these are forbidden, there is, for some, no physically expressive outlet for such camaraderie.

•  Routine and Structure

However mundane is our daily routine, it gives our lives structure and containment. Now, much of our routine has been altered and this can make us feel insecure.

Kirchner. Street Scene In Front Of A Barber Shop. Wikimedia Commons.

We may be isolated with financial, work and family concerns, as a result of our lives being turned upside down; this pandemic has definitely made difficult things worse.

How Can We Manage all This?

• Developing a ‘parent inside’, an internal parent.

“We readily feel for the suffering child, but cannot see the child in the adult, who, soul fragmented and isolated, whistles for survival on the streets where we shop or work.”

Dr Gabor Maté.

When we are stressed or under pressure, we might feel unable to cope, regressing to childhood feelings of being lost and uncontained. It is then that we need to practise becoming our own parent.

What does this mean?

There is a child inside us all.  Yet we are adults. Most of us have the ability to help and comfort others in times of difficulty. Can we use some of this adult knowledge to support the child fears in ourselves?

For more on this issue please refer to my previous post “How to Safely Stay in Your Adult Self and Protect Your Inner Child” by following this link.

 “Be the person you needed when you were younger.”

Dandapani

• Having Psychotherapy . This can provide emotional holding; the therapist is there for the patient, containing difficult feelings.

• Learning To Cope With Uncertainty.

We are all in a state of uncertainty. We do not know what the future holds in terms of Coronavirus and how it might affect our lives.

Whilst it is important to live for the moment, this is a highly anxious and unsettling time for most of us. Learning to manage the inevitable feelings of uncertainty is crucial now.

(See my previous post on this issue: Follow this link.)

• Discovering Nature As A Form Of Containment.

For some, being in Nature, surrounded by countryside, or in their garden, feels safe and containing. Thankfully, many of us have been able to do this despite the pandemic.

Monet’s twin passions were gardening and painting and, despite his tortured rages, he created an oasis of containing calm and stunning artworks in his flowered sanctuary.

Monet in his garden at Giverny. New York Times, 1922.Wikimedia Commons.

Claude Monet. The Japanese Footbridge and the Water-Lily Pool, Giverny. Wikimedia Commons.

Listen, now, to this poem about the wonders of nature and our world. Somehow, it puts life into perspective; it contains and holds us with its beauty and its encouragement to appreciate what we have:

©Linda Berman.