In this week’s post, the theme of authenticity is continued in these 5 quotations…. plus a few more for good measure!

Quote 1.

Four Darks in Red – Mark Rothko. Wikioo.

“If the essential core of the person is denied or suppressed, he gets sick sometimes in obvious ways, sometimes in subtle ways, sometimes immediately, sometimes later.”

Abraham Maslow

Maslow’s wise words refer to the fact that, if we are not allowed, or do not permit ourselves, to be the person we really are, if our ‘essential core’ is denied, then we will become ill in some way. This may be mentally or physically, or both. Why is this?

Recognition of a person’s core identity is crucial to their wellbeing and is paramount in terms of our development from infancy. In order to form and maintain our identity, we have a need to see ourselves reflected in others, and in the world.

“Through others we become ourselves.”

Lev S. Vygotsky

In adulthood, our self-image will have been influenced by our early years and also by other life experiences. Becoming aware of this, and recognising the influences and patterns of behaviour that have made us who we are, will help us to get in touch with our real self. This is important because lack of such self-knowledge creates distinct feelings of unease, in that, inevitably, through being inauthentic, we are hiding much about ourselves. We may find that we are compensating in other ways, unconsciously attempting to assuage the niggling, uncomfortable guilty feelings  of being ‘bad’ that being inauthentic can promote. Research at Harvard University shows that:

‘..experiencing inauthenticity, compared with authenticity, consistently led participants to feel more immoral and impure. This link from inauthenticity to feeling immoral produced an increased desire among participants to cleanse themselves and to engage in moral compensation….’

If we constantly feel we are pleasing others, or are haunted by guilt, the past, feelings of being counterfeit, fake, or living a lie, then it may be that therapy could be helpful in discovering our real identity beneath layers of ‘false self.’

Haunted House 1 – Thomas Moran. 1858. Wikioo.

“She herself is a haunted house. She does not possess herself; her ancestors sometimes come and peer out of the windows of her eyes and that is very frightening.”

Angela Carter.

Quote 2.

Loneliness – Paul Delvaux. 1956. Wikioo

“The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.”

Friedrich Nietzsche

This quotation recognises how very difficult it can be to maintain one’s individuality when there is pressure around us to ‘fit in’ with other people. This can happen in families, at work, or socially. If we insist on our own authenticity and autonomy, despite this external demand to conform with others, there is frequently a price to pay.  It can result in feeling isolated, excluded, lonely, afraid. Nietzsche underlines, however, that ‘owning’ oneself, that is, truly knowing what we think, feel and believe and being proud of this, is worth any price. It means that, despite the rejection from others who do not understand us, (and who may be ‘fitting in’ themselves in order to feel accepted by the ‘tribe,’) we will feel strong and content through knowing who we are.

Quote 3.

Reading – Fernand Leger. 1948. Wikioo.

“Read, every day, something no one else is reading. Think, every day, something no one else is thinking. Do, every day, something no one else would be silly enough to do. It is bad for the mind to continually be part of unanimity.”

Christopher Morley

Quote 3 continues the theme of individuality and being one’s authentic self. It extends this theme into being different from the crowd, and valuing our difference through being and doing things that others are not. If we feel that the books we choose to read, the thoughts and ideas we have, the risks we take, are not like those of other people, then we need to value that difference. Many famous innovators, artists and inventors were creative in their own way and had diverse ideas that were rejected at first because of their difference.

“For an artist, to be normal is a disaster.”

Jonas Mekas.

Basket Of Apples. Cezanne. Wikimedia Commons.(Cezanne’s works were rejected by the Paris Salon and initially ridiculed.)

“Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.”

Albert Einstein

Quote 4.

Friendship – Pablo Picasso. 1908. Wikioo.

“Friends can help each other. A true friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself – and especially to feel. Or, not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at the moment is fine with them. That’s what real love amounts to – letting a person be what he really is.”

Jim Morrison

Having a real friend who can accept, recognise and reflect your real self is so important. Being loved unconditionally in this way helps us feel complete and contained by another person.

“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.”

Elbert Hubbard

Quote 5.

Alexei Jawlensky – Spanier (Spaniard) – 1967

“Individuation is the slow process of tuning in to your authentic self. It takes a lifetime. It requires you to stay open to life so that with each blow or disappointment or mistake, you befriend some new part of yourself that had been unknown or despised by you before. If you go through life tending to your authentic voice and making it your job to learn and accept as much about yourself as you can, you generally wind up being one of those older people who are happy and wise, rather than an older person who is bitter and small-minded.”

Lisa Marchiano.

The concept of individuation refers to the development of a mature and integrated personality, having a distinct sense of self and feeling unique,  independent and separate from others. This process is, inevitably, helped by psychotherapy, in that parts of the unconscious of which we have been oblivious can be brought into conscious awareness. Without feeling that we are a more whole and individuated person, it will be difficult to have relationships with others. This is because, for example,  if we do not have a distinct and authentic self, we may become over-dependent on others, merging into them and taking on their views and ways of thinking. Without such self-realisation, it will not be possible to have a sense of a real self, to find out who we really are. As a result, we will not be able to relate to others in a genuine way, as we will always be wearing masks. As the quotation says, individuated people are authentic and wise. The achievement of this could be something to aim for throughout our whole lives and can, in itself, give us a wonderful sense of purpose. ©Linda Berman