Ken Flewellyn – Express Yourself [2015]Gandalf’s Gallery Flickr.

“The one thing that you have that nobody else has is you. Your voice, your mind, your story, your vision. So write and draw and build and play and dance and live as only you can.”

Neil Gaiman

Self-expression is about truly being oneself and showing that self to the world. We may be influenced by other people, which is important, but it is crucial that we do not allow others to direct us too much.

The encouraging quotation above highlights our individuality and our uniqueness; we all have qualities that we can use creatively in different ways. It emphasises what we do have within ourselves: the ability to speak out and share our thoughts and ideas, the stories we have to tell about ourselves  and our ability to be innovative and expressive ‘as only we can.’

The writer aims to give us the confidence to use our innate gifts and talents and to recognise that we all have something special to offer to others and to the world, whatever that may be. This is about sincere appreciation….of ourselves… and there is a plea to us all to take the risk of expressing ourselves to the full.

Gyula Basch (1851–1928) Sad Woman. Wikimedia Commons.

“When others demand that we become the people they want us to be, they force us to destroy the person we really are. It’s a subtle kind of murder.”

Jim Morrison

Being in charge of our own lives and feeling able to express our real selves is central to our wellbeing.

The quotation above describes being under the power of another, in a way that denies our own personhood, as a kind of murder, a soul-murder. We become a shadow of who we are, an unhealthy, cardboard cut-out figure designed for another’s needs, obliterating our identity.

“If the essential core of the person is denied or suppressed, he gets sick sometimes in obvious ways, sometimes in subtle ways, sometimes immediately, sometimes later.”

Abraham Maslow

Maslow’s wise words refer to the fact that, if we are not allowed, or do not permit ourselves, to be the person we really are, if our ‘essential core’ is denied, then we will become ill in some way. This may be mentally or physically, or both.

Why is this?

Recognition of a person’s core identity is crucial to their wellbeing and is paramount in terms of our development from infancy. In order to form and maintain our identity, we have a need to see ourselves reflected in others, and in the world.

“Through others we become ourselves.”

Lev S. Vygotsky

The concept of individuation refers to the development of a mature and integrated personality, having a distinct sense of self and feeling unique, independent and separate from others. This process is, inevitably, helped by psychotherapy, in that parts of the unconscious of which we have been oblivious can be brought into conscious awareness.

Without feeling that we are a more whole and individuated person, it will be difficult to have relationships with others. This is because, for example,  if we do not have a distinct and authentic self, we may become over-dependent on others, merging into them and taking on their views and ways of thinking.

“Maybe if you had been different,
you would have been what they wanted.
But maybe if you have been what they wanted,
you would have been different
than who you were supposed to be.”

Morgan Harper Nichols

These words neatly encapsulate the issue of pleasing ourselves, in order to be authentic. Trying to fit into how we perceive other people would want us to be is like chasing our tail.  

Many of us try to please others to some extent, but if this is done to excess, it can be depleting of both energy and spirit. It will mean that we cannot reveal who we are to the world.

“The human being either asserts autonomy by heroic self-assertion or seeks safety through fusing with a superior force: that is, one either emerges or merges, separates or embeds. One becomes one’s own parent or remains the eternal child.”

Irvin D. Yalom

Grant Gilsdorf – Inner Fire [2021] Oil on aluminium composite panel,Gandalf’s Gallery, Flickr

“Be isolated, be ignored, be attacked, be in doubt, be frightened, but do not be silenced.”

Bertrand Russell

It is vital to strive to be true to ourselves, develop the resilience and courage to be authentic, and not allow ourselves to be cowed by public opinion. Then our voice will be heard above the cacophony of life and we will experience the freeing nature of self-expression. 

• Claiming our identity

Anne-Marie Zanetti – Remind Me of My Own Existence [1965]

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”

George Bernard Shaw

The quotation above reminds us that we do not have to be meek and passive about discovering who we are….. we have a choice to be whoever we want, to ‘create’ ourselves. This gives us the freedom to become, to grow, in whatever direction takes our fancy.

Like beautiful wild flowers, we have the ability to spread, to grow, develop and blossom. In order to do this, it is important that we embark on a purposeful journey to discover ourselves, remembering that we can be whoever we want to be…whoever we are.

Expressing ourself is a way of claiming our identity, of defining ourselves, of making our mark on the world. It is also about shedding labels, our own, and others.’

Who are you, really….?  Do you find that you prevent yourself, or allow yourself to be prevented, from revealing who you are? Do you hide your light under a bushel?

Wild Flowers No. 1 Robbins, Ellen, 1828-1905. Wikimedia Commons.

“You’re under no obligation to be who people think you are. Change, grow, rearrange yourself. Free and beautiful things always bloom and spark with no holding back.”

Charlotte Eriksson

• Self-Expression Through Work, Music, Art, Dance, And  Writing.

There are many kinds of creative acts that enable us to express ourselves and to find our true voice, many wonderful ways in which we can reveal who we are, body and soul, heart and mind.

Here are just a few…

Work

“Don’t make money your goal. Instead pursue the things you love doing and then do them so well that people can’t take their eyes off of you.”

Maya Angelou.

Some kind of work is essential in the lives of most of us. Those who cannot work, for whatever reason, often find that this situation can be soul-destroying and a negation of their true identity, stifling real skills and interests.

We express ourselves through our work. Apart from giving us an income, work enables us to have a stronger sense of who we are.

It affirms our identity, gives our life meaning and generally contributes to self-value. All this can be of benefit to our physical and mental well-being.

Obviously, work has different meanings for different people, and some are unhappy and unfulfilled in their jobs. In a general way, however, it is the case that work can enhance our confidence and sense of self.

Retirement and the ending of our working life can be a new beginning for us, a time for even deeper self discovery and self-expression. 

“You are not too old
and it is not too late
to dive into your increasing depths
where life calmly gives out
its own secret.”

Rilke

Music

Romare Bearden – Out Chorus [1979-80] Screenprint in colours, on Arches paper. Gandalf’s Gallery. Flickr

“Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.”

 Lao Tzu

Playing and writing music can be a way of finding one’s own personal voice, so that we can ‘broadcast’ who we are to the world. It can express who we are with a kind of eloquence that is often more powerful than words.

Through making music, we can share our deepest emotions, communicating through sound exactly how we feel and who we are.

“Perhaps you may want to write your own song, analyze the lyrics of a favorite artist, or play an instrument. Perhaps you will explore new genres that are foreign to you. The key is that music is a powerful vehicle for helping you become more aware and honest with yourself.”

Cortney S. Warren PhD, ABPP

If we do not write or play music ourselves, then choosing, listening to and sharing ‘our kind of music,’ is, in itself, a means of self-expression. Our choice of music is certainly a part of our self-definition and self-expression.

Writing

Writing is a way of stating  “This is me, this is how I think and what I believe.” It is a self-affirmation, a confirmation of who we are, revealed to everyone who reads it.

From a personal point of view, I find that writing gives me more confidence to say what I really think and feel than speaking does. I discover my own ways of thinking through writing, revealing the core of me, expressing what is genuinely deep in my heart and in my soul.

“Writing and giving voice to what I am feeling makes me happy. And supporting people in finding their voice, passion, outrage and resistance. There is nothing better than that.”

Eve Ensler

The writing process enables us to discover more about ourselves. Along the way, it will become apparent that we are revealing aspects of our inner world through what we produce on paper or screen.

Some people find that they cannot think without writing things down; this helps them find out what is really going on in their mind. It is as if writing comes from somewhere deep inside, from a gut level, and sometimes we might feel surprised at the true voices that emerge from our unconscious self.

“Every secret of a writer’s soul, every experience of his life, every quality of his mind, is written large in his works.”  

Virginia Woolf

Making Images

Sometimes, however,  only an image will do in order to have a powerful impact and express our deeper thoughts and feelings. The image can speak louder than words; it may be in paint, sculpture, or produced with a camera.

Katrin Fridriks – Royal Blue Kingdom [2020]

In paint we can let go of inhibitions, of our defences, for what appears as a result of our painting often comes from a ‘gut’ level. That is why art therapy is so effective; our unconscious mind produces images on the paper that can sometimes come from deeper levels of our psyche, showing who we really are beneath the facade.

Dance

Jan Sluijters – Gertrud Leistikow Dancing [c.1920]

“Dance is the hidden language of the soul.”

Martha Graham

Dance helps many people express themselves; through movement and music, our whole body demonstrates who we are in terms of style, expertise and freedom of expression. In this way, dance can express our identity both physically and emotionally; it can help us connect with others, as we ‘speak’ though our rhythms, our body movements and our facial expressions, and as we join them in the dance.

• The freedom in paddling your own canoe

“People who truly understand what is meant by self-reliance know they must live their lives by ethics rather than rules.”

Wayne Dyer

If we can paddle our own canoe, take the reins of our life and be self-reliant, then we will experience a freedom that is life-enhancing and joyful. The quote above underlines the choices that are then open to us, for we can then develop our own ethical ways of thinking, without having to depend on outside forces to decide what is right for us, and how we should live.

Trusting ourselves to discover what we truly think and who we truly are, will give us the confidence to decide on our own ethical stance in the world.

White Canoe. Peter Doig. 1991. Wikiart.

“Voyage upon life’s sea, to yourself be true, and whatever your lot may be, paddle your own canoe.”

 Sarah Bolton

© Linda Berman