Quote 1

Head of a Man in Profile Facing Left – 1522. Andrea Del Sarto. Wikioo

“Most powerful is he who never cared for power.”

Debasish Mridha

There are many reasons for wanting power, some very laudable; these are usually related to helping others and easing their lives. This will most likely be done in an atmosphere of mutuality, working together and respect. 

This kind of power is not about wanting to dominate, but being cooperative and empowering to others. Sometimes, people want power in order to gain freedom, and independence.

On the other hand, courting power, having a need for it, may be connected with a wish to control, to take over, to be in total command. This is about competitiveness, wanting to win, proving something, showing the world one’s supremacy.

Such power-hunger can be toxic, causing extreme distress, and it can ultimately lead to war and destruction.

The War – Pablo Picasso. 1952. Wikioo

The quotation at the start of this post speaks a profound truth. If we are not chasing after power for power’s sake, then we are likely to be mature enough to have the personal power to enable us to feel comfortable in the world.

We will not have to be authoritarian, we will not have anything to prove, and neither will we need to curb nor impose ourselves upon others’ human rights and freedoms.

Quote 2

Children Eating Cherries – Pierre Bonnard. Wikioo.

“Healthy parenting is nothing if not a process of empowerment. As we help to raise our children’s self-esteem, we also increase their personal power. When we encourage them to be confident, self-reliant, self-directed, and responsible individuals, we are giving them power.”

Louise Hart

How can we raise strong and confident children? This is a big question, and there are no easy answers. Bringing up children to be healthy in mind and body, to have personal strength and become independent adults, is closely related to giving them unconditional love, admiration, encouragement and empowerment.

We need to inspire them to be authentic, allowing our children to learn and develop as individuals, to become the uniquely special people they are.

Mother and Child Smiling at Each Other – Mary Stevenson Cassatt. Wikioo

“Every child needs at least one adult who is irrationally crazy about him or her.”

Urie Bronfenbrenner

Children thrive on love and on being seen and heard for who they are. They need to see themselves reflected in the true mirror of their parent’s eyes.

“The precursor of the mirror is the mother’s face.”

Donald Woods Winnicott

They need parental messages about their ability to choose their own path in life, with our help,  containment and care. It is this that gives them strength and personal power throughout their lives.

If they do not receive this, if they are criticised and blamed, they will grow up lacking confidence and self-belief. Both the tone and content of how we speak to children are crucial in terms of their psychological development.

“Do you not realize that a child is what you tell them they are? That people almost always become what they are labeled? Was whatever your child just did really the “dumbest thing you’ve ever seen somebody do”? Was it really the “most ridiculous thing they ever could have done”? Do you really believe that your child is an idiot? Because she now does. Think about that. Because you said it, she now believes it. Bravo.”

 Dan Pearce

“Her mother told her she could grow up to be anything she wanted be, so she grew up to become the strongest of the strong, the strangest of the strange, the wildest of the wild, the wolf leading wolves.”

Quote 3

Laura Shelton. freedom girl001. 2010. Flickr.

“To free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves-there lies the great, singular power of self-respect.”

Joan Didion

Constantly fearing others’ disapproval and feeling that we have to fit in with their ways of thinking is stressful and draining of our own personal power. Being aware that we are trapped by others’ expectations is stultifying and weakening; it means we cannot be ourselves, for we must always please others and live up to their expectations.

Such constant searching for the approval of others will become a fruitless and self-destructive quest. How can we possibly become what we imagine everyone wants us to be? 

Obviously we cannot. Trying to fit into another person’s ideas and designs for us personally is like chasing our tail. It gets us nowhere, but it tires, agitates, discourages and frustrates us.

It is a fact that we give our power away to others when we feel dependent on their affirmation and assent. Often, the roots of this lie in our past, with unmet needs for love and approval, which can continue into adulthood, as we desperately keep on trying to earn others’ approval.

Learning to listen to and amplify our inner voice, drowning out the clutter and babble of external opinions, can ultimately help us to recognise that, deep inside, we are actually good enough. As the quotation above reminds us, if we respect ourselves, then we are freer to think for ourselves and be authentic.

Colourful Group – Paul Klee.1917. Wikimedia Commons.

“You have no responsibility to live up to what other people think you ought to accomplish. I have no responsibility to be like they expect me to be. It’s their mistake, not my failing.”

Richard P. Feynman

Self respect is about belief, ideas, and principles, and having the courage to remain true to all these in a tough world and despite others disagreeing with or criticising you.

It is also about self knowledge and being clear about one’s ethics and moral principles. This is the meaning of personal power.

Quote 4

Mandela. 2010.lukewarmdog. Flickr

“Personal power is the ability to stand on your own two feet with a smile on your face in the middle of a universe that contains a million ways to crush you.”

J.Z. Colby

There is no doubt that life can be very hard and that there are many hazards and perils all around us. Despite this, most of us soldier on, taking some precautions, despite knowing in the back of our mind that at any time, a disaster could befall us.

Of course, good and happy experiences can, and do, occur as well. We cannot predict what will happen to us, for life is uncertain, and that is difficult for all of us. However, somehow, it is possible for many of us to still enjoy our life, without fearing disaster every day.

Perhaps we know that, within reason, we are equipped to cope with what life may have in store, that we have the personal power to do this, the power to be independent and hopeful, ‘to stand on our own two feet’…and to smile despite the pitfalls that surround us.

Quote 5

Resting Woman with Carnations – Max Beckmann. 1940-42.  Wikioo.

“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes. Even you.”

Anne Lamott

In order to develop and maintain our personal power, it is important to regularly take time out from the pressures in our lives. We all need it.

Rock roses. Old Lodge. Taplow – Stanley Spencer. 1957. Wikioo.

We need to give ourselves the time to pause, to smell the roses, and to stand and stare. Relaxing in the midst of nature can be very therapeutic. If we make space to look, and absorb what is around us, our lives will inevitably be enriched by the experience.

Boy Resting – Paul Cezanne. 1890. Wikioo.

Taking ‘time out’ to relax is crucial if we are to ‘recharge’ ourselves to face the problems and difficulties of life, as well as the good times. It is only if we do this that we will be able to muster up the energy and strength to move on.

We need the contrast. After such relaxation time, we will feel recharged, reset, and ready to mobilise our personal power to its fullest. 

Giant Three-Way Plug – Claes Oldenburg. Wikioo.

“Are you managing your energy well and using it for things that matter? Do you stop to recharge before you push yourself to critically low levels? Unplug to recharge.”

Susan C. Young

© Linda Berman.