• The meaning of being centred

Quote 1

Hayagriva Mandala – Kungri Monastery. Prof Ranga Sai. Wikimedia Commons

“Stay in the centre, and you will be ready to move in any direction.”

Alan W. Watts

Centredness is about being calm, peaceful and in touch with who we are. It means we are being authentic, aware, mindful and balanced.

It is, quite literally, allowing the self to be in the middle of things. This involves trying, as far as is possible, to aim for achieving congruence, flexibility, symmetry, unity, concord, cooperation, agreement, focus, coherence and peace.

If we are ‘on centre’ we will be balanced in our ways of thinking and being in the world. We do not then go to extremes, nor are we biased or prejudiced.

This Bird Looks in all Four Directions –  1977. Maria Primachenko. Wikioo

The first quotation, above, tells us that if we are centred, we can ‘move in any direction.’ This is because, having worked on ourselves, we will be flexible enough to be able to consider many different choices in our lives.

We will have the ability to look all around us, knowing that we are prepared to deal with whatever life throws at us, whatever direction we take. Being centred means that, in the midst of chaos, we can still be focussed, we can ‘keep our head, when all around are losing theirs.’ (after Kipling)

• Being centred enough to cope with ambiguity and contradiction.

Quote 2

“What if you rested in between contradicting energies? What if you practised holding contradictory views at the same time with no fantasy of them ever being resolved?”

Nate Green

This is a key quotation. Being able to keep two opposing views in mind simultaneously, without feeling that we have to come down on one side or another, shows that our ways of thinking are flexible, measured, and mature.

It indicates that we have the ability to reflect, to weigh and balance opposites, to discover contradictory truths that may both have value, without having to adhere to one or the other. It is about staying in the centre of things, and being aware that, from this standpoint, we really can see all around us.

Put together, the apparently opposing or discordant views might be resolved into a whole picture. This is a powerful way of achieving balance; this is centredness.

These ways of thinking mean that we are taking time to consider, to ponder and reflect, which are in themselves creative acts. The confusion and unease created by obvious contradictions and paradoxes can encourage creativity and innovative thinking.

With a deeper understanding that, in order to feel more whole and more centred, we need to be able to tolerate uncertainty and ambiguities, life will, indeed, feel freer, more at peace and more harmonious.

This is so much better than having a thoughtlessly rigid and superficial mindset, one which immediately takes sides and makes judgements without weighing the real evidence, and which cannot accommodate two opposing truths at the same time.

“There are two kinds of people in the world: those who divide the world into two kinds of people, and those who do not.”

 Robert Benchley

By adopting more open, inclusive and adaptable ways of thinking, we can keep our minds, and our opinions, balanced and congruent.

• Centred in ourselves

Quote 3

Franz Xaver Kosler – Ajuscha Kairo [1901] Gandalf’s Gallery, Flickr.

“You believe happiness to be derived from the place in which once you have been happy, but in truth it is centred in ourselves.”

Franz Schubert

Being ‘centred in ourselves’ means being in touch with who we are; this quotation is highlighting the fact that happiness is dependent on our internal world, not on the external one.

If we are not feeling good inside, then even the most beautiful and peaceful surroundings will not make us happy. In order to achieve peace of mind, we will need to work on changing what is happening inside, not outside. We will need to ‘recentre.’

Sometimes, we might lose ourselves, especially with difficult people. We feel pushed off-centre, perhaps threatened or infantilised, and we do not quite know who we are.

It can help to tell ourselves to ‘stay in your adult self’ when we feel there is a risk that we may be drifting into not ‘being ourselves.’ This is a way to gain some kind of balance, so that we do not lose the core of ourselves, who we really are. This is a kind of centring.

• Inner centring…

We live in two connected worlds, the inner and the outer. Within our minds, we all have an internal landscape, a vast and complex internal world of our creation, both conscious and unconscious, a blend of many aspects, including memories, dreams, beliefs, imaginings, experiences, fears, thoughts and feelings.

Interior Exterior – Roger De Grey. Wikioo.

“Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”

Carl Jung

What does Jung mean in the above quotation? He is asserting that the only way we can see clearly and wake up to reality is if we look inside at ourselves, into our own psyche, and not only at the world around us.

Unless we know ourselves, we will see others, and the outside world, through a lens clouded by our own imaginings, projections and distortions. In addition, we will be unaware of this bias, if we have not examined ourselves psychologically. We will not be centred; on the contrary, we will be ‘all over the place.’

We will be distinctly ‘off-centre.’The world will appear even more uncertain and we will feel that we have absolutely no influence on what happens to us.

“Our most important choice in life, according to Epictetus, is whether to concern ourselves with things external to us or things internal. Most people choose the former because they think harms and benefits come from outside themselves.”

William Irvine

If we choose to live unconsciously, unaware of the inner life inside us, then we are at the mercy of the universe, blown in the wind, lost.

In order to feel more in charge of ourselves, more centred, we can use meditative techniques, mindfulness, yoga, breathing exercises, or if we wish to really engage with our inner world, we can begin a course of psychoanalytic psychotherapy.

About the Inside and Landscape No.8 – Ernest Zobole.1990. Wikioo

“Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.”

 William James

It is important to emphasise here that I am not referring to being self-centred; there is a difference between being truly centred and being only focussed on the self. The latter implies that there is an arrogant and selfish approach to life, with the self being the most important and others being overlooked.

“A mind at peace, a mind centered and not focused on harming others, is stronger than any physical force in the universe.”

Wayne Dyer

• Being located in the here and now

Quote 4

“I have great respect for the past. If you don’t know where you’ve come from, you don’t know where you’re going. I have respect for the past, but I’m a person of the moment. I’m here, and I do my best to be completely centred at the place I’m at, then I go forward to the next place.”

Maya Angelou

How do we become centred? This centredness, as I have said, is a constant quest to find the middle of things, to find the middle of ourselves. We may need therapy to help us, for example, if we tend to be biased, prejudiced, or go to extremes, lacking impulse control. These ways of being represent the antithesis of centredness.

An awareness of the here and now is very important in relation to being centred.

Clock.Marc Chagall. 1914. Wikioo

“The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness.”

Abraham Maslow

Can we value our life, knowing that one day it will end, and yet still feel on centre? Can we appreciate even the small things, the most fleeting of moments, whilst being aware that such moments do not return?

We will never recapture those precious minutes in our lives. They are lost in time, as one day we ourselves will be.

Staying with the present moment can mean that we will face reality and truth. We will begin to know ourselves and the world around us better, gaining a new, and more centred, viewpoint.

In therapy too, centring and being aware of what is happening in the here and now, is highly relevant, to both therapist and client. As a therapist, it is, at times, easy to become pulled into the client’s way of seeing the world, rather than remaining clear and centred.

This is especially relevant in couple therapy, for we can be pulled off-centre by one or other of the couple. We might be manipulated into their ways of seeing the relationship and their desire for us to ‘side’ with them.

When this happens, it means that we as therapists are drifting off-centre. It is quite possible to feel empathic or to be attuned to the client, without losing who we are and what we believe.

Being  person-centred, client-centred, child-centred or patient- centred, does not mean that we cannot simultaneously be centred within ourselves. This is a difficult balance to maintain as a therapist, but it is a crucial skill.

• Centring in nature: feeling connected

Quote 5

Multi Coloured Sky – Sidney Herbert Sime.(1865-1941) Wikioo

“If I’m having a stressful day, I can look at the sky and feel centered again and realize I’m just a tiny little dot in this whole universe and that, actually, everything’s going to be just fine.”

Mia Goth

When we are centred we feel calm and peaceful. If we lie on the grass and look around us at the wonders of nature, we can be truly ‘grounded,’ feeling a real part of the world around us.

If we can experience the outside world and our inner world as largely being in alignment, we will feel more peace and centredness than if we experienced a jarring discord between these two worlds.

In many ways, our outer world is something we create ourselves, through our ways of thinking seeing. If we are resolved and happy inside, then the outside world will appear much brighter and more benign.

If we work, perhaps in therapy, at being authentic, integrated and congruent, we will likely fit better into the world, even if we have very different views from those around us.

A person true to themselves will be appealing and inspiring to others and will feel more unity and empathy with the outside world…. this, in a nutshell, is being centred.

“We are part of this universe; we are in this universe, but perhaps more important than both of those facts, is that the universe is in us.”

Neil deGrasse Tyson

A Forest Pond –  Arnold Marc Gorter (1866-1933)  Wikioo

The Peace Of Wild Things. By Wendell Berry

“When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.”

Wendell Berry
from The Peace of Wild Things And Other Poems (Penguin, 2018)

© Linda Berman