Quote 1

“It is overfull. No more will go in!” “Like this cup,” Nan-in said, “you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?”

Nyogen Senzaki and Paul Reps

In order to learn, we need to unlearn. This paradoxical statement points to a deep truth, one to which the Buddhist monk, Nan-in, referred when he spoke of emptying our ‘cup’ before we can pour any new learning into it. Unlearning paves the way for learning.

However, learning how to unlearn is not easy… and what is it we may need to unlearn, anyway? 

Quote 2

Gustave Courbet. 3 Schoolgirls. 1860. Public Domain.

“We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our education system.”

Charles Bukowski

Some of our learning in life, from the earliest years, has, of course, been useful and has considerable worth to us. For example, being kind, patient and thoughtful in relation to others is an important piece of learning that begins early in our lives. We certainly do not need to unlearn these behaviours and attitudes, but instead, hold tight to our insights and good thoughts.

However, there are some beliefs, ideas and maladaptive ways of thinking that are erroneous, restrictive, perhaps bigoted, over-disciplined, inhibiting, self-limiting, or depleting of our power and energy. Once these are absorbed into our minds, it can be difficult to rid ourselves of them and we become programmed to think in such unhelpful and unhealthy ways.

We may be stuck in the past, without questioning or challenging some of the ideas that were, perhaps, ‘drilled’ into us by strict authority figures from long ago. Our perspectives on the world today may be skewed by such teachings, whether through religion, upbringing, or school.

Quote 3

Helene Schjerfbeck (Finnish 1862-1946). Silence. 1907. Wikimedia Commons

“Girls are socialised in ways that are harmful to their sense of self – to reduce themselves, to cater to the egos of men, to think of their bodies as repositories of shame. As adult women, many struggle to overcome, to unlearn, much of that social conditioning.”

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Gender stereotyping involves a society attributing behaviours, norms, roles, set ideas about dress, and expectations, to certain genders.

People have assigned roles to genders that have not been chosen by those involved and that certainly may not suit their personality or wishes.

Best Friends. Kiichi Okamoto. Wikimedia Commons.

Women have had to be gentle, soft and ‘feminine,’ domesticated and nurturing, counterbalancing the male ‘toughness’ and the cultural permission, perhaps encouragement, for men to be sweary and loudly aggressive.

This is not only hard on women; men have been socialised to hide their emotions, mostly the gentler feelings, and, of course, never to show their tears, or even have them.

Deep inside, hidden from view, women through the ages have harboured and repressed all kinds of strong thoughts and feelings about attitudes that have kept them trapped. They have felt totally unable to reveal their true selves.

Many lost touch with their real feelings beneath the pressure of domesticity and under the weight of societal and familial disapproval if they dared even consider moving out of their assigned, stereotypical, gender-roles.

However, as time passes and culture changes, there have emerged different ways of thinking. Girls- and women- are unlearning their culture-assigned roles and are relearning a new ability  to ‘run with wolves,’ to be free, to partake in whatever sport, lifestyle or profession they want. Freedom for women involves knowing themselves, recognising their real needs and wishes, and exercising their right to be who they want, regardless of societal or patriarchal demands.

Quote 4

“It ain’t what you know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”

Mark Twain

Prof. Orlando Ferguson. 1893. Flat earth map. Wikimedia Commons

“Four Hundred Passages in the Bible that Condemn the Globe Theory, or the Flying Earth, and None Sustain It.
This Map is the Bible Map of the World.
Copyright by Orlando Ferguson, 1893.”

“The moment you say that any idea system is sacred, whether it’s a religious belief system or a secular ideology, the moment you declare a set of ideas to be immune from criticism, satire, derision, or contempt, freedom of thought becomes impossible.”

Salman Rushdie

When people feel total, absolute certainty, without making space for doubt or challenge, this approach can lead to a lack of innovation, stunting new thinking or creativity. It is important to be able to alter our views as new information appears, to discard old ideas and to reconsider, reflect, and relearn.

If we are able to unlearn, to ’empty our cup,’ then there will be space and opportunity to relearn. An example from my own life goes back (a long way) to my experience at university, as I embarked on an English course.

In a small tutorial group, we were discussing language change. The tutor told us that language reflects people, and it is people that change the language. The dictionary merely records societal and linguistic changes; it certainly does not have ultimate authority over language.

This may seem a small, obvious piece of learning all these years later, but as a young person having grown up in a rather narrow culture, it was, actually, life-changing for me. I had always been instructed to regard the dictionary as the supreme authority in terms of spelling and meaning, and now I was being shown a different view.

I had to unlearn in order to relearn, and this relearning felt explosive, rebellious, subversive, exciting. It was a lesson that was full of creative potential in my own life.

If I ever expressed a different view as a young person, I was told ‘everyone in the army is out of step but you.’ Now I began to generalise from this new, freeing and permission-giving experience, and to realise that I had some authority of my own and the right to think differently. There were no absolutes, no ‘right’ interpretations of the world and its meanings.

Having been raised in an atmosphere of utter respect for the correctness and authority of books, this was mind-blowing for me. I needed to relearn, and this relearning represented a real awakening.

“The illiterate of the future are not those who can’t read or write but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.”

Alvin Toffler

Quote 5

A voluptuary under the horrors of digestion, JAMES GILLRAY. Wiki Creative Commons.

“A good deal of education consists of unlearning – the breaking of bad habits.”

Mary McCarthy

Ways of thinking and acting that we have absorbed or inherited long ago may have become so much a part of us that we do not realise how destructive they are. Breaking ‘bad habits’ will involve a good deal of unlearning and new learning in terms of understanding the psychological triggers that contributed towards the unhealthy habits.

Perhaps there is a fear that we will feel bereft if we ditch habits like overeating, smoking, taking drugs, etc….

“Losing will not always amount to a loss, sometimes you have to lose those toxic relationships and bad habits to create a space for better things.”

Gift Gugu Mona

Psychotherapy is about unlearning and relearning, within the safety of the therapy room, and with a therapist who can be gently challenging and empathic. There we can identify the areas that need to be worked on, and subsequently, what we need to unlearn. It can be a kind of realignment, a way of discarding old, outdated and worn-out ways of thinking and being, so that there is room for the new and the healthy.

A powerful visual example of the need to unlearn and relearn can be found in the beautiful, pioneering work of Georgia O’Keefe. She blends abstraction with stunning natural forms, producing wonderful ‘close-up,’ essential versions of flowers.

Whilst she was holding onto her ‘traditional’ knowledge of painting techniques, she also ‘unlearnt’ much, in order to relearn, and thus to create something new and innovative. She worked in a way that was independent of the current art trends, bringing the viewer deeper and deeper into her enlarged images, and into her new world of colour, reality and abstraction.

Georgia O’Keeffe — My Autumn (Photo Credit —Creative Commons https://www.flickr.com/photos/gandalfsgallery/

This blog is totally non profit-making. As a retired psychotherapist with 30 years’ experience, I write both for my own self-expression and to help others. If you value my posts, I would much appreciate you showing your support by becoming a follower of waysofthinking.co.uk. 🤗Thank you.

© Linda Berman