Lemons. 1884. George Henry Hall. National Gallery of Art, Washington

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”

English proverb.

• The lemons of life…

Life is unpredictable and uncertain and often we are shocked at the way it turns out. The best laid plans are thwarted at the last minute, circumstances change in an instant. In the blink of an eye, we can be derailed, obstructed, hamstrung, defeated.

Helene Schjerfbeck – Omakuva (1912)Wikimedia Commons

“Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans.”

Allen Saunders

When a shedload of the bitterest lemons are dumped in our lap, can we have the courage, and the presence of mind, to ‘make lemonade?’ Can we summon up the strength, in time, to make the best of a bad situation?

Choosing to try to make the best of things is a brave act; many people cannot help but sink into despair when things really do not go their way. That is understandable and we can empathise with the pain and distress experienced when life delivers its worst blows. There are times when life gets too much too bear alone, and we may need the support of family, friends, or professional help.

However, there are also periods in our lives when, in due course, we can summon the strength and feel well enough to try to improve our lot. Whilst many times we have no choice but to accept fate’s decree, there are ways in which we can use our personal power to make the best of things for ourselves.

Ernst Ludwig Kirchner – Portrait of the Poet Frank [1917] Gandalf’s Gallery

“A man must live in the world and make the best of it, such as it is.”

Michel de Montaigne

This quotation fits powerfully with the painting above it;  the artwork depicts the poet Frank, who was visiting the Swiss sanatorium where the artist Kirchner was convalescing during the First World War.

Frank was horrified and felt overwhelmed by the conflict and only managed to cope by writing his poetry. He expressed his feelings through his work, a kind of ‘making the best’ of a very painful situation. Kirchner was empathic, and shared his shock and horror at the dreadful world events.

The quotation urges us to ‘live in the world and make the best of it,’ coping as well as we can with whatever life throws at us, whether that be war or other kinds of strife and pain. This is not an easy task, for life, as we all know, can be extremely tough and devastatingly cruel at times.

Sometimes attempts to ‘make the best of things’ differ from person to person. What makes things easier for one person may not be applicable or relevant to others. It is important not to judge people for their coping strategies and decisions made during difficult times in their lives.

For example, after the loss of her spouse of many years, Jill was desperately lonely and isolated.

Albert Edelfelt – Sorrow, Variation of the Illustration for the Poem At the Fair of Vernamo,1894. Wikimedia Commons

She found herself drawn to an old family friend, also recently widowed, and both were able to share their sorrow and their pain with each other. They had both spent a long time looking after their ailing partners before they died.

They soon got together, and Jill moved in with Peter.

This was not an easy decision, but both felt calmer and happier and as if they were making the best of a tough situation. However, what made it all the more difficult, was the fact that some friends and neighbours were judgemental of them, expressing their thoughts about the liaison being ‘too soon,’ and ‘too quick,’ or even, ‘immoral.’

Too soon… for whom? Whatever people’s views, it was up to the couple to make their decisions, whether ‘right or wrong,’ for themselves, as part of the process of learning and moving forward. Any ‘mistakes’ would be part of that process.

“By our stumbling, the world is perfected.”

Sri Aurobindo

It is easy to criticise others, but it is much more important, and kind, to empathise with a person genuinely trying to make the best of their difficult life, however different their actions might be to our own.

“Don’t you find it odd,” she continued, “that when you’re a kid, everyone, all the world, encourages you to follow your dreams. But when you’re older, somehow they act offended if you even try.”

Ethan Hawke, The Hottest State

• What choices DO we have when life gets tough?

Sir William Orpen R.A., R.H.A.. A Woman Thinking – Portrait of Miss Sinclair. Wikimedia Commons

“There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under the jurisdiction. I can decide how I spend my time, whom I interact with, whom I share my body and life and money and energy with. I can select what I can read and eat and study. I can choose how I’m going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life-whether I will see them as curses or opportunities. I can choose my words and the tone of voice in which I speak to others. And most of all, I can choose my thoughts.”

 Elizabeth Gilbert

Difficult though it may be, there are times when we may have to alter our views and our perspective on life in order to adapt to changing circumstances. We may have to start seeing things differently, for ourselves and others, when our destiny creates unexpected, awkward, changes. Unless we can change our outlook at these points in our life, we may become stuck and trapped in old ways of thinking.

Looking Through – Helen Lundeberg. 1964. Wikioo.

“Choices are the hinges of destiny.”

Pythagoras

Even when things are bad for us, our ways of seeing and the kind of perspectives we adopt are important.

How we process what happens to us in our lives can be crucial.  We have a choice about the way that we approach the world and its vicissitudes, about our ways of thinking. Deciding which way to go after difficult events in our lives involves taking risks, coping with uncertainty and venturing into the unknown.

When the time feels right, it may be important to make decisions and take risks, otherwise we might remain static and frozen in time. Taking calculated risks in relation to our choices, weighing up the pros and cons, making mistakes and learning from them, all are necessary if we are to ‘seize the day.’ 

Managing uncertainty and not knowing how things will turn out is not easy to do, but if we are able to cope, we can find that we will become increasingly able to make the choices that feel right for us. We will be more creative and feel motivated and alive, as we contribute to the shape and direction of our life, even after periods of great distress.

“The road ahead is not some predetermined path that I am forced to tread, but it is a rich byway that I can help create.”

Craig D. Lounsbrough

We will never know which choices in life are the ‘right’ ones for us unless we try them and make the decision to move into a new area.

I will end this post with a collection of impressive images and beautiful thoughts, to help you to think, contemplate and reflect about making the best of life, each and every day…

Card Players-Paul Cezanne. 1894-5. Wikimedia Commons

“Sometimes it’s about playing a poor hand well.”

 Donna Tartt

Caspar David Friedrich. Neubrandenburg in the Morning Mist. c.1816-17

“I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”

F. Scott Fitzgerald

Jan Steen – The Dancing Couple. 1663. Wikimedia Commons

“Despite whoever created it, it’s my world, & the only one I’ve got. Might as well make the best of it, right? Might as well have a little fun while I’m here. Or a lot of fun. Might be dead tomorrow.”

Ellen Hopkins

Peace and Contentment Eduard von Grützner. 1897. Wikimedia Commons

“Making the best of what we do have, instead of begrudging what we don’t, has a way of creating all that we’ll ever need.”

Charles F. Glassman

Old Man and Young Girl. Felicyn.(1856) Wikimedia Commons

© Linda Berman