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Are you a little eccentric? Do you think of yourself as a bit weird sometimes? You do? That’s good… because this could well mean your are an interesting person!

Our world is multi-faceted, quirky, nuanced and intricate in its complexity. That is what makes it, at times, exciting, inspiring, exhilarating. That is what makes life worth living for many people… the off-centre, the unusual and the new. And being a little of all of these is what makes us human beings more likeable, more memorable as people, more approachable… in moderation, of course!

Oscar Wilde. Photograph by Napoleon Sarony. c. 1882. Wikimedia Commons

It is not only artists that embraced eccentricity and weirdness. Actors, writers, inventors, designers, musicians and scientists have also been different from the ‘norm.’

Oscar Wilde challenged Victorian moralistic rigidity, which he loathed. He dressed in an outrageous and provocative way for the time, and wore wild and theatrical clothes, once walking down Piccadilly in velvet jacket, breeches and with a huge sunflower in his lapel. He embraced the absurd, claiming that “I have nothing to declare but my genius.”

His eccentric flamboyance and determination not to hide his homosexuality led to the writer being jailed, and put in solitary confinement with hard labour for two years. This drastically affected his health and ultimately led to his death.

Here was an eccentric man who was highly courageous and very principled, who would not conceal his sexual identity, defying strict social and legal rules, and bravely speaking out at his trial for ‘gross indecency’ in 1865 of  “the love that dare not speak its name.”

Nikola Tesla.2011. Source: pulsepowernow.com. Wikimedia Commons

Creativity often goes with eccentricity, (but not always); originality and invention is frequently connected to thinking outside accepted norms and parameters and being in the world in new and different ways.

Nikola Tesla (1856-1943) was regarded as highly eccentric in his time. He was utterly brilliant, inventing The Alternating Current (AC) System, allowing electricity to safely travel long distance over narrow wire. Through this system, we still obtain electricity in our homes.

However, he was also mentally tortured, regarded as a ‘mad scientist’ by many.

“With brilliance often comes eccentricity. Tesla had obsessive compulsive disorder, which compelled him to do things in threes, including only inhabiting a hotel room that was divisible by the number three. He had an obsession with pigeons and an aversion to women wearing earrings, contributing to his reputation as eccentric.”

Susan Borowski

 

Iris Apfel (interior designer) at O Cinema Miami Beach to present IRIS, by Albert Maysles. 2015.Wikimedia Commons

This celebrated designer was not afraid to express her eccentricity and her difference, ignoring rules and conventional ideas about dress. She became well-known for her fight against ageism and snobbery in the world of fashion. Iris Apfel’s brilliance and eccentricity lay in the way she viewed herself as a walking piece of art (like Oscar Wilde), challenging society’s ways of seeing ageing.

She described herself as a “geriatric starlet” and “the world’s oldest living teenager.” At age 84, MOMA held an exhibition made up entirely of Apfel’s personal wardrobe; she achieved further fame her in her 90’s, becoming an internet icon, a model, and the star of an award-winning documentary.

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Punks-in-love. Rheinkultur 2006, Rheinauen, Bonn July 2006. Source: Flickr. Author Patrick. Wikimedia Commons

“We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love—true love.”

 Robert Fulghum

This wonderful quotation says so much in a few precious lines. We are attracted to another because of their difference, their weirdness, especially, as the quotation tells us, when this matches what might be regarded as our own eccentricities.

“We do not choose others at random. We meet those who already exist in our unconscious.”

Sigmund Freud

Freud’s words help us focus on the role of our unconscious mind in partner choice; it is, truly astonishing how, at a deep level, we know what we need to help and, hopefully, heal ourselves…. and we ‘call it love.’ We unconsciously choose loving partners who can complement and complete us. What does this mean?  

We select our partner on many levels. Whilst we may, at a conscious level, look for people who attract us and have some of the same interests and outlook on life as ourselves, or who feel similarly ‘weird,’ the actual choice is also partially unconscious. 

Our partner selection process will inevitably be heavily influenced by our past relationships with parents or caregivers. We all have unmet needs from childhood, powerful bonds that link us to past figures in our life and that keep us fixed in old patterns and ways of relating to others.

We are attracted to another because we unconsciously share some of the same unresolved issues and are stuck at a similar point in terms of emotional development.

Childhood difficulties may mean that we ‘lose’ parts of ourselves that were not regarded as permissible by parents, society, or other figures in our lives. These aspects of ourselves become repressed, and we may lose touch with them as adults, forgetting that once we were full of life and had strong feelings.

We seek in another help to reclaim aspects of ourselves that will ultimately make us feel more whole, people who can help us work through our problematic areas.

“Love is the longing for the half of ourselves we have lost.”

Milan Kundera

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David Bowie- Pop Art by Gil Zetbase. 2017. Wikimedia Commons

“I find only freedom in the realms of eccentricity.”

 David Bowie

This quotation is about having the freedom, through what others may regard as eccentricity, to be oneself.

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”

Carl Jung

Jung’s wise quote sees the process of becoming ourselves as a ‘privilege,’ the biggest one we could possibly have in our lifetimes.

Real, authentic people, those who are true to themselves, tend to be warm, fair-minded, genuine, generous, open and honest. They are neither afraid of their darker aspects, for they have come to terms with their existence and are in control of them, nor are they afraid of appearing, or being, different from others.

In general, without feeling rebellious or defiant, they do not experience a pressure to fit in with culturally or socially accepted norms, of behaviour, appearance, or ways of thinking. They can be comfortably themselves, with confidence, knowing who they are.

“The surest way of being considered eccentric is just to be yourself. So few of us have the nerve.”

Marjorie Benton Cooke

Being happily eccentric is, indeed, a freeing experience. Allowing oneself to exist outside societal constraints and the expectations of others will, inevitably, mean that we can be creative in a world that is free from judgement and criticism.

Bowie did just this, reinventing himself as a different persona, unafraid of appearing bizarre or weird.

“A civilized society is one which tolerates eccentricity to the point of doubtful sanity.”

Robert Frost

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Matisse. Woman in a Purple Coat. 1937. Wikimedia Commons

“Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.”

Regina Brett

“I want to sing like the birds sing, not worrying about who hears or what they think.”

Rumi

‘Wearing purple now,’ signifies being oneself, regardless of fashion, cultural norms, other people’s tastes, age, or other superficial concerns. Often, feeling able to have the courage to risk ‘doing one’s own thing,’ being somewhat eccentric or different, does not come to us until we gain more confidence in our later years. This first quotation encourages us not to wait until we become aged, but to allow ourselves to be different and make our personal mark on the world at whatever age we feel the inclination to do so.

Extending this idea, the second quotation urges us to feel free enough to sing ‘like the birds sing,’ which is to do with freedom, celebration, joy, lack of self-consciousness. It is principally about having the confidence to have your own voice. It is about putting aside your fears, your self-doubts and really experiencing the freedom to be yourself, and doing what makes you feel good, whole, joyful, no matter if it seems odd or different to others. It is about being and doing what makes you feel like YOU!

Singing your own song in this way means knowing who you are, understanding yourself, knowing what you believe and do not believe. It is related to feeling strong enough to be your real self, to be authentic, regardless of what others might think or feel about this.

Doing this is life affirming; it is the opposite to ‘dancing to another person’s tune.’ If you can be spontaneous and free, you will be able to choose your own way in life and ‘play your own individual music,’ without imitating others or eternally struggling to meet someone else’s needs instead of your own.

The concept of individuation refers to the development of a mature and integrated personality, having a distinct sense of self and feeling unique, independent and separate from others.

In terms of our everyday selves, allowing ourselves to be a little eccentric means that we are able to ignore fears of being seen as weird or stupid, or worrying about the disapproval of others. It involves times when we can lift the cultural constraints on our patterns of thought and allow ourselves to be authentic and to have some uninhibited thought-freedom. This is really living our lives.

It is not always easy to be different, or to think differently. It is often tempting to fit in with the ways of thinking of others around us. Real free-spirited eccentricity means that we have the strength and the confidence to speak up for ourselves, to act for ourselves, even when we feel we are facing a sea of disapproval.

“You have to go the way your blood beats. If you don’t live the only life you have, you won’t live some other life, you won’t live any life at all.”

James Baldwin

© Linda Berman