“I think that my job is to observe people and the world, and not to judge them. I always hope to position myself away from so-called conclusions. I would like to leave everything wide open to all the possibilities in the world.”

Haruki Murakami

• Have you jumped to conclusions, made assumptions, set yourself above the other person in a self-righteous manner?
• Do you sometimes evaluate the other with opinions based on old, biased ways of thinking?
• Do you tend to feel critical and see the negatives in a person before anything else?
• Have you made snap judgements about others based on their outward appearance/ accent/where they come from?
• Do you label people?

If you have said ‘yes’ to any of the above, welcome to the human race!

I guess we might all have felt judgmental at times, but, equally, it is most important to become aware of ourselves and the workings of our internal world. We need to examine our feelings, thoughts, preconceptions and biases if we wish to become non-judgmental.

Then we might be able to avoid such judgmental behaviour, which can be really hurtful to other people. It also keeps us stuck with rigid, limiting and self-defeating attitudes.

What is important to explore is our prejudices and biases; often we may dislike a quality in another that we do not admit to in ourselves.

A non-judgmental stance is one which is accepting, patient, caring and empathic. Such an attitude creates an aura of understanding and safety for the person you are with. In this way, friendships tend to be deeper and closer, more trusting.

Being free of judgement is a liberating experience. This is because, if we do not judge others, we will not be so hard on ourselves. Instead of judging the other person for their differences, maybe we can accept that difference is a good thing.

Accepting another, warts and all, paves the way for accepting our own inner ‘demons.’

Without such judgement, we will begin to grow, intellectually, personally and emotionally, as we discover what makes others tick.

Can we learn to merely observe the world around us and the people in it, free of assumptions and foregone conclusions, fixed ways of thinking and stereotypical responses? Then we will discover the joys of welcoming and embracing difference.

It is when we are peaceful enough with ourselves and have learnt to observe others without judgement or criticism, that we may perceive the pain that can lie beneath an outer appearance, hear the untold stories that a judgmental stance would inhibit.

 If we cultivate an attitude of empathy, others will feel listened to and accepted for who they are. Being able to listen to a friend’s story, with an attitude of acceptance, is a way of giving love.