Quote 1

‘Self-Portrait’ by Alexej von Jawlensky, 1911. Wikimedia Commons

“Who are you to judge the life I live?
I know I’m not perfect
-and I don’t live to be-
but before you start pointing fingers…
make sure you hands are clean!”

Bob Marley

When life does not feel too good, it becomes tempting for many to point the finger of blame and criticism at other people, offloading some bad feelings in this negative way. This is ultimately unlikely to have the desired effect of ridding the accuser of their own disturbance.

Projecting one’s inner discomfort onto another means that we are in denial, placing our own fallibility and responsibility onto someone else, constantly passing the buck. The problems are ours, but we aim and focus them at another person, who is really not the actual target of such treatment.

When we constantly judge others, we are concealing our need to be seen as perfect, avoiding our own vulnerabilities. In a perverse way, this is like hiding behind someone else, using another as a psychological human shield. It is taking the easy way out to wantonly judge others in the short term; however, in the long-term, this will most often backfire and our unresolved issues will return to haunt us.

Quote 2

Walter Greaves – Portrait of James Abbott McNeill Whistler [1869]. Gandalf’s Gallery, Flickr.

“It is not for me to judge another man’s life. I must judge, I must choose, I must spurn, purely for myself. For myself, alone.”

Herman Hesse, Siddhartha

The only way in which we can become more self-aware and individuated is to stop judging ‘another man’s life.’ As the quotation indicates, it is only ourselves that we can truly judge or make choices for.

We cannot advise another, as we do not live in their shoes, even when the other person’s actions seem unwise or even ludicrous to us. If they are making a mistake, they will, inevitably, discover this in the fullness of time; we make make suggestions, but we have no right to direct or criticise another person’s life-choices or decisions.

However, taking several long, truthful looks at our own thoughts, feelings and behaviour, perhaps with the help of a therapist, can be highly beneficial. 

“Being totally honest with oneself is a good exercise”

Sigmund Freud

Quote 3

Amedeo Modigliani – Madame Kisling [1917]. Gandalf’s Gallery. Flickr.

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

[Matthew 7:1-2]

This biblical quotation is brimming with ancient wisdom. It corresponds with the philosophy of Karma, which reminds us that, if we behave badly in life, badness will return to us in some way or another. Whether one views this from a religious or spiritual point of view or not, the fact is that, if we send out bad energy to others and to the world in general, we will, inevitably, get negative ‘vibes’ back.

“As no cause remains without its due effect from greatest to least, from a cosmic disturbance down to the movement of your hand, and as like produces like, Karma is that unseen and unknown law which adjusts wisely, intelligently, and equitably each effect to its cause, tracing the latter back to its producer.”

H. P. Blavatsky

An unkind attitude is very likely to produce hurt feelings, anger and resentment in others, which will rebound back to the unkind person. The Hindu, Jain, Sikh and Buddhist principle of Karma is related to how we act in the world. If we do bad, hurtful things, there will be consequences for us.

Image by ByteGlowStudios from Pixabay

“One thing I do know for a fact is that the nicer we are to our fellow human beings, the nicer the universe is to us.”

Joe Rogan

Quote 4

Jan Sluijters – Woman Reading [1911] Gandalf’s Gallery, Flickr.

“When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself”

 Earl Nightingale

Being judgemental reveals much about us; whilst we are focussed on judging others, we show a side of ourselves that is most likely full of insecurity, defensiveness, lack of empathy and bias. Being quick to label people can indicate that we are denying something about ourselves, and seeing problems only in others.

“People who label others are just lost souls who refuse to see their own shortcomings.”

Christine Szymanski

Labels can be reductionist, restrictive, discriminatory, limiting, and a distortion of who people are. They tend to isolate and exaggerate one perceived attribute of a person, which may or may not be applicable to them in reality, and to then identify that person by that one attribute only, and nothing else. In reality, that is nonsense; we are all made up of different aspects, with many sides to our personalities.

Quote 5

James Carroll Beckworth – Breck [1891] Wikimedia Commons

“When I am sharply judgmental of any other person, it’s because I sense or see reflected in them some aspect of myself that I don’t want to acknowledge.”

Gabor Maté, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction

Quotation 5 continues the theme of the previous quotation and is closely related to the writings and theories of Carl Jung. This is his way of expressing a similar idea:

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

C.G. Jung

The basic message of these quotations is that, when we feel very judgmental of, or irritated by, another person, this can be because we recognise something of ourselves in them. We are unconsciously projecting into them the parts of ourselves we do not like and cannot confront within. Then, through our judgemental behaviour, we punish these unresolved aspects of ourselves in another person.

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”

Anäis Nin.

It is easier to see the other as ‘bad,’ rather than own this in the self. Jung reminds us that, if we are able to become aware of and identify such patterns of behaviour in ourselves, then we can begin to gain some understanding of our own personalities.

“I think that my job is to observe people and the world, and not to judge them. I always hope to position myself away from so-called conclusions. I would like to leave everything wide open to all the possibilities in the world.”

 

Haruki Murakami

“There is nothing inhuman, evil, or irrational which does not give some comfort, provided it is shared by a group.”

 

Erich Fromm

 

“Never judge someone’s character based on the words of another. Instead, study the motives behind the words of the person casting the bad judgment.”

 

Suzy Kassem

© Linda Berman