Quote 1

Robert Delaunay – Jean Metzinger. 1906. Wikimedia Commons

“Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes)”

Walt Whitman. Song of Myself, 51.

These words are wonderfully permission-giving to everyone, for they encourage us to be proud of our inner inconsistencies, the contradictions that sometimes we might feel apologetic for. His words ‘very well then I contradict myself,’ demonstrate an open acceptance of his self-contradictory parts, a total feeling of comfort with who he is, embracing all his contradictory ways of thinking.

He values his own complexity, regarding this not as a fault, but implying that this is something that contributes to his personhood, his individuality, in all its richness and its remarkable intricacy. These ‘multitudes’ inside himself suggest that he is made up of many different identities, that he has opposing ideas, thoughts and feelings, that he can move and grow and expand with these as his life progresses.

Whitman appears proud of his inner multi-dimensional world, proud that it is comprised of evolving, living, disparate parts, making up a rich and many-faceted whole self.

Quote 2

Political Drama. 1914. Robert Delaunay

“The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.”

F. Scott Fitzgerald

The meaningful quotation above highlights the importance of being able to hold in mind opposites, paradoxes and contradictions, without losing one’s overall ability to think and ‘function’ effectively. This is, indeed, a great and important skill, revealing considerable clarity of thought and considerable intellectual prowess.

In therapy, and especially in couple therapy, it is supremely important that the therapist is able to hold opposing ideas in mind. Why is this? Openness and flexibility are two crucial qualities for a therapist; without these, they would not be able to be accepting towards clients’ ideas when they differ from their own. Furthermore, it would be impossible to work in a non-judgemental way with a couple who have opposing views, or with anyone who did not agree with their own ways of thinking. 

The importance of this ability to hold and also embrace opposites in everyday life, too, cannot be over-estimated. Life itself can be complex, entangled and chaotic at times; being able to calmly accept the existence of opposing views in those around us is a very necessary capacity to have, in personal, social and work relationships. It is related to the acceptance of uncertainty, the lack of absolutes, and an understanding of the folly of black and white thinking.

Quote 3

Pink Roses in a Basket. Frans Mortelmans. Wikimedia Commons.

“Life is full of paradoxes, as roses are of thorns.

Fernando Pessoa

Pessoa’s wise words present us with an important fact of life; roses are beautiful, but how often do our fingers get pricked from their thorns? Such is life… the beautiful aspects of our life can also cause us pain and suffering. For example, when we lose someone we love, we will experience the terrible pain of loss, having known deep love and happiness with that person.

“Only the paradox comes anywhere near to comprehending the fullness of life.”

Carl Jung

What did Jung mean by this statement about paradoxes? How can they actually help us to understand the world around us? How can they improve our life?

Paradoxes are about seemingly contradictory statements, or images, where both sides of the contradiction can be true. Contradictions and paradoxes help us to see the whole picture. Unless we consider and balance contradictory arguments, different views and ways of seeing, we will never see the whole picture in life. They present us with so much to consider, so many opposing aspects of life to think about.

They teach us that there are no absolutes, that reality and truth are complex issues, that contrary views can both contain the truth, that nothing is as it seems.These are valuable lessons that can only guide us on our path through life.

“Take the road to contradiction, it’ll lead you, I promise, to the palace of wisdom.”

Frank Lentricchia

Unless we accept life’s ambiguities, we will always have a partial take on the world inside and around us. Paradoxes help us to develop flexible ways of thinking.

“What if you rested in between contradicting energies? What if you practised holding contradictory views at the same time with no fantasy of them ever being resolved?”

Nate Green

Being able to keep two opposing views in mind simultaneously, without feeling that we have to come down on one side or another, gives us the ability to reflect, to weigh and balance opposites, to discover contradictory truths that may both have value. 

“Only by learning to live in harmony with your contradictions can you keep it all afloat.”

Audre Lorde

Quote 4

Wassily Kandinsky, Several Circles, 1926, Wikimedia Commons.

“Creativity comes from a conflict of ideas.”

Donatella Versace

Opposition in relation to ideas, juxtaposing different ways of thinking and being able to achieve a degree of harmony amongst these is, as Versace says, one of the ways in which we can achieve a creative outcome.

We are complex creatures, and the universe is multi-faceted, full of diversity and difference, ambiguous, quirky, nuanced and intricate in its complexity. Despite all this, there is an underlying unity, symmetry and order, creating a harmonious whole. Making art, music, literature or drama out of this many-sided world and its conflicting ideas is a wonderful challenge; the Kandinsky painting above amply illustrates the achievement of such a grand task…

“The circle is the synthesis of the greatest oppositions. It combines the concentric and the eccentric in a single form and equilibrium. Of the three primary forms, it points most clearly to the fourth dimension.”

Wassily Kandinsky. Guggenheim Museum

This famous artist’s words focus on the power of the circle to integrate and harmonise some of the strongest oppositions, and he succeeds also in doing this in his artwork. The concentric represents the inner part of the circle, which expresses calm and focus. The eccentric is the world outside the circle, which is much more dynamic and extensive. Both of these aspects are expressed in the painting- there is much space, and also there are enclosed, centred shapes in the form of circles.

Out of the ‘conflict of ideas’ -outer and inner, active and still, expansive and confined, contained and uncontrolled, focussed and unfocussed- emerges a work of considerable skill and creativity. Kandinsky regarded the circle as ‘pointing to the fourth dimension,’ in a way that the triangle and square did not. This is because he saw the circle as expressive of the cosmos, of a higher spiritual and physical plane. He has powerfully captured the oppositional and cosmic aspects of the circle in his painting.

Quote 5

Sonia Delaunay, Simultaneous Contrasts, 1913. Wikimedia Commons

“To be human and to be adult means constantly to be in the grip of opposing emotions, to have daily to reconcile apparently conflicting tensions. I want this, but need that. I cherish this, but I adore its opposite too.”

Stephen Fry

Fry is very accepting of ways of thinking that involve opposition and ‘conflicting tensions.’ He enjoys the edginess in the daily tension of opposites, valuing the conflict of ideas produced by his own internal tussles between, for example, wanting and needing different things in his life.

He regards valuing such inner struggles as the essence of being a mature human being, and rather than feeling negatively about this, he ‘cherishes’ and ‘adores’ the ongoing conflict of emotions. For him, this adds colour and nuance to life, and he sees the attempts at reconciling different emotions as something to embrace and ‘cherish.’ Fry relishes the challenge inherent in having to resolve the opposites, incongruities and inconsistencies in his daily  life. This approach to life can offer learning to us all.

With a deeper understanding that, in order to feel more ‘whole’, we need to be able to go further than merely tolerating uncertainty and ambiguities, we must learn to treasure them. Life will actually feel freer, more peaceful and more harmonious.

“The life of this world is nothing but the harmony of opposites.”

Rumi.

Such open ways of thinking mean that we are taking time to consider, to ponder and reflect deeply, which are in themselves creative acts. This is so much better than having a thoughtlessly rigid and superficial mindset, one which immediately takes sides without weighing the real evidence, one which cannot accommodate two opposing truths at the same time.

By adopting this open and adaptable way of thinking, we can keep our minds, and our opinions, flexible. We can understand that nothing is as a clear-cut as it may seem and that our feelings may sometimes mislead us. Maintaining an open attitude to the contradictions of life contrasts with a closed and rigid outlook and with black and white thinking.

Such thinking results in attitudes that are prejudiced, and can lead to racism, which involves a way of thinking that is limited. This is an unhealthy way of living, giving a false sense of ‘stability.’  Such polarised thinking renders us woefully unprepared for the uncertainty and unpredictability of life. 

Prejudice and racism involve a way of thinking that is one-sided, and they are based on personal bias and faulty premises. This approach to life brooks no contradictions, no diversity of thinking, no co-existence of opposing emotions and certainly no intellectual curiosity…

Félix Del Marle – The Bill [1933]

“I would rather be a man of paradoxes than a man of prejudices.

Jean-Jacques Rousseau

© Linda Berman